You call him Mr. Chuck Norris!

For those of you who don’t know who he is and why all men pay reverent homage to this legend, let me explain. 

Chuck Norris eats rocks and shits lightning bolts. Did you know that one time Chuck Norris was walking around in a forest, look for hippies to use as firewood, when a wild boar suddenly crossed his path. Chuck lifted the boar into the air with his mind, gave him a spinning roundhouse kick, and digested him telekinetically. And Chuck wasn’t even hungry. True story!

Chuck Norris is a world champion in tae kwon do, jujitsu, kickboxing, karate, sumo wrestling, tae bo, pad thai, Street Fighter II and he holds a certificate of participation in the National Spelling Bee. He has no weakness, he is the ultimate fighting machine. There’s a story that one time ago, a big shot movie producer approached Chuck Norris with a screenplay starring him versus King Kong, Godzilla, Dracula, Satan, Charles Bronson, and that Russian boxer from Rocky IV. The movie was never made though because studios felt that it was too far-fetched since nobody stands a chance against Chuck Norris. Supposedly, the story goes on to say that when Chuck found out, he was so furious that the producer had to offer his daughter’s virginity to appease him. Chuck accepted the offer. Another true story!

Not much is known about Chuck Norris’s childhood. Chuck Norris has no mother, as crawling out a woman is unbecoming of a man of his stature. Chuck spontaneously came into existence on Karl Marx’s birthday. This was no coincidence since Chuck Norris is the polar opposite of communism; he is the yang to communism’s yin, and the very thought of a political theory that suggest that people should have their own means of production in a classless society makes Chuck Norris want to puke.

Chuck Norris has fought in almost every major war, including the Korean War, World War I, the American Civil War, the Peloponnesian War, the Iran-Iraq War, the War of the Worlds, and the War on Drugs.

Chuck’s favorite food is whiskey. Sometimes, when he gets bored of whiskey, he’s been known to eat bread, cheese, some tomato paste and a handful of basil, which may sound like pizza, but it’s not because Chuck Norris doesn’t want to give the Italians any credit.

For more information on Chuck Norris, check out his Wikipedia page. 

Mmmm, beef jerky!

Beef Jerky

If someone invented a way to package sex and put it straight into your mouth, it would taste like beef jerky. 

Did you know that in countries where beef jerky is a staple of their daily cuisine 83% of boys, as young as 6 years old, are experiencing something called “precarious puberty” which leads them to have full-grown beards, deeper voices and calloused hands. And all of this manliness was traced back to a gene triggered by the manliest of foods in the entire universe: beef jerky.

If there’s a food that’s manlier than strips of flesh ripped from an animal’s ribs, cured, smoked, and flavored so it can be slammed down the throats of hungry construction workers, I’d like to know what it is.

Only the highest quality ingredients go into making beef jerky, but I can’t help but wonder: what’s the secret ingredient that gives beef jerky its awesome flavor? The answer is obvious, its little girls. Don’t believe me, the proofs in an old nursery rhyme: “little girls are made out of sugar and spice and all things nice.” Since only the highest quality ingredients go into making beef jerky, and all things that are of the highest-quality are necessarily a subset of “all things nice,” then concordantly, ergo, vis-a-vis, it can be said that beef jerky is made out of little girls. Boom, that’s called empirical reasoning!

Ok, so maybe there is a slightly more important ingredient to beef jerky, which is the beef. But for a cow there is no greater calling, not ending up as a steak at the Keg or upholstery in an overpriced car, then becoming jerky. It’s true, go ask them.

A thought on Hot Sauce

H is for Hot Sauce

All men love spicy food. The statement “I don’t like spicy food” is a more verbose way of saying “I have lady parts.” Not convinced? Let the facts speak for themselves and here is a complete list of people who can’t handle spicy foods:

• Pregnant women
• Breastfeeding mothers
• Menstruating women
• Women on menopause
• Children
• Old People
• Animals (except for fish)

This is a complete list of people who don’t like spicy foods, so if you don’t like spicy food, then you must be one of the above listed.

Pregnant mothers are notorious enemies of hot sauce because they’re discouraged from eating spicy foods to protect their unborn children. Well, I say that they should in fact eat extra spicy food. It’s a great way to strengthen the child. If I had things my way, hot sauce would be the primary ingredient in baby formula.

For fans of spicy food, it’s sometimes difficult to find food with any heat at restaurants. The reason is because people who think they like spicy food go to restaurants, order their food spicy, and then complain when they can’t handle it. This has caused a gradual shift toward less spicy recipes in the restaurant industry.

So I say embrace spicy food. Ask your waiter for hot sauce and don’t be afraid to do the dance of pain as your tongue is on fire and you scream searching for some sweet relief. Sure, it may not get you the girl, but spicy food is the only way to go if you’re a real man!

My thoughts on 2012

As 2012 comes to a close, I find myself spending more and more time reflecting upon the moments that have made this year an interesting, at times painful but enjoyable year.

I have experienced the immense satisfaction that only comes when you are part of something special, and for me, that is being part of the Shag'n Dragons. This year we achieved more success then we ever dreamed off and more importantly, we all became closer teammates and better friends. I truly am blessed to be a part of this team and I pledge, nay I oath it, when I say that I will always be grateful for all of them and I will always fight for them. I'm a Shag'n Dragon, and I will be so till I die.

This year was also the year where the newest Wu joined our clan. Master Avery was born on August 25, and like his sister, I knew right away that he was something very special. He's only a few months old, yet he already possesses a calming nature and his smile disarms all wisps of doubt and concern. Seeing him smile at me rejuvenates my very soul and I find myself wanting to be an even better person in my own life so that I can be an even better uncle to him. Thank you Avery.

It would difficult to speak about this past year without mentioning my job, as it has also taken a twist and turn. I have a new job, a new career along with my career in Massage. I finally have a sense of direction and a sense of potential stability that a new job brings with it. I look forward to what the new year brings me with regards to my new job and I can't wait to surprise everyone with my success. Its time for me to step up and show everyone what I can really do.

Last and certainly not least, love. There have been some low points, some midway points and one high point. While singledom remains my current state, I have reflected upon my love lost and accept all things that have happened to me. A few things that I have come to accept are:
- it hurts to love someone and not be loved in return. But its more painful to love someone and never find the courage to let that person know how you feel.
- its a very sad thing in life when you meet someone who means a lot to you, only to find out in the end that it was never meant to be and you just have to let go.
- its true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but its also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.
- it takes only a minute to get a crush on someone, an hour to like someone and a day to love someone, but it takes a lifetime to forget someone.

I have spent the last few days doing a lot of thinking. Spending the holidays alone definitely allows me the opportunity to do a lot of uninterrupted thinking. We must dream what we want to dream, go where we want to go, be what we want to be. Because we have only one life and one chance to do all the things we want to do. Sometimes its necessary to put oneself in another person's shoes, even if it doesn't fit or makes sense to. Its important because if you feel that it hurts you, then it probably hurts that person too. A careless word may kindle strife, a cruel word may wreck a life. We must take ownership of our words and understand that something said with seemingly good intentions may be misinterpreted not as such and cause more harm then good. A timely word may level stress and a loving word may heal and bless. I've wanted to be happy for so long and I realized that the happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything, they just make the most of everything that comes along their way.

2013 will soon knock on our door and so I shall walk through that door with a renewed focus on the continuing success of the Shag'n Dragons, on the stabilizing of my life financially, physically and spiritually, and to find the happiness that only comes when I have found it within myself.

Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss, ends with a tear. When we were born, we were crying and everyone around were smiling. So I shall live my life so that when I die, I'm the one that will be smiling and everyone will remember me smiling and not crying. Of course, I'd also like to go out naked. :)

Its that time of the year again

Hello everybody (actually, I have no idea if anyone is reading this, so if you are reading this message then assume that I'm directing this entire message to you.)

Its Sunday and things have been going pretty good. I've worked now for 2 weeks without a fully day off and it hasn't been so bad. This past weekend was a long one with my days starting at 8am on both days and not finishing until the early evening. I did however book a lot of home-clients this weekend which means that I made some sweet cash this weekend. But as quickly as the money entered my wallet, it left it again thanks to presents and other holiday related activities. It's a good thing I'm not dating anyone right now, otherwise I'd have even less money :)

Today was also my yearly talk with my dad about how pathetic my life is and how I should settle down. Let me start off by saying that my dad is a good man and in his own awkward way, he's trying to relate with me about my personal life. It doesn't work as too much has happened with him messing around with my personal life for me to ever give him that kind of power again, but I know he means well. So, since the end of my last relationship, he's been trying to get me to meet this girl who I think is the daughter of his cousin's family friend. Something like that, all I know is that she isn't related to me by blood. Anyways, my dad comes up to me a few weeks ago and say "are you still dating that other girl?" I said no and before I could explain what happened he says "ok, here is the name/number of this hakka girl. Go and email her and see if you like her." He didn't ask me if I was ok or what happened with my previous relationship. Just here is another girl, and now go. Now, I decided a long time ago that these kind of blind setups are just bad and so I naturally rebelled against any idea of emailing her, but my curiousity got the better of me and so I wrote her a quick message. I quickly put that thought out of my mind as I still had some things on my mind. A week later, I get a message from this girl saying that we could start talking and so since I thought there would be no harm in that, I agreed. We added each other on Facebook and that was it. Today, my dad comes into my room, closes the door and says "why haven't you asked this girl out for dinner?" I said that I haven't thought about it, that I've had other things on my mind and I'm not interested in her. He then decided to have "the talk" with me and proceeded to tell me how much of a failure I was, how I have squandered my life and wasted time with a "poor career choice", how I have nothing to offer any girl and that I'm getting older. He said, "don't worry about her looks or how old she is. You don't have many choices here and if you settle down with her, she can give you things that will help in your future." He did say that he wasn't trying to hurt my feelings, but when you say "you have nothing to offer any girl and you need to be more serious with your life," you can't really take that any other way then personally.

So that was our conversation about 2 hours ago and here I am, writing it down in a blog. Maybe I am a joke. Maybe he's right, I have nothing substantial to offer any girl and so I should just 'settle' with the next girl who they parade in front of me. My dad did say "if you had something to offer, then you wouldn't be single right now" and you know what, he may be right. Maybe I am just lying to myself, thinking that I have things to offer a woman, life partner, and I should just listen to what they say. Unfortunately, I have a big issue with the word "settle." That word doesn't sit right with me, and if I have to settle for her, then isn't she settling for me? Isn't that a horrible idea, a relationship based upon settling? Compromise is a form of settling, but this kind of compromise seems more nefarious to me. I read a quote today and it said that you know when you're in love when you can't sleep because reality is finally better than your dreams. I felt that once with Silvia and I was starting to feel the same thing with another girl. But both times, I was obviously wrong and I was left with even more questions about myself and my self-worth. I don't think right now I'm good enough for anyone. I have a lot of figuring out to do, things about me, things about my future. I don't think I'm in the right head space for any relationship. The recent events of my life really played with my head and I'm a ball of varying emotions. Thing is, I could talk to other people about it, but they won't understand the frame of reference. The one person who would is no longer available to speak with and so I'm left with trying to figure stuff out on my own.

The holidays are supposed to be a happy time, yet when I see pictures of my family and friends with their families and loved ones, I come to realize that spending another holidays alone is not what I want. But, life doesn't give you want, only what you can handle, and so either get cooking or get out of the kitchen. Time to move on and to fix me.

When will the holidays be a happy time for me?

A quick thought about zombie protection

I'm between clients right now and as I look outside my window, I realized something very important: this place would make an excellent stronghold during the upcoming zombie apocalypse.

Highly defensible, limited access but multiple exits possibilities, independent power generator in case of power outage. But the most important quality: there are some hot girls who work around here and they may need some rescuing :) now, I just have to start carrying around my crossbow and sword on a regular basis. One can't be too ready.

And I already know who I'm going to watch out for. That's right Mark "the villain from Die Hard" McEwan. I'm looking at you!

Mmm bacon. Don't ever leave me!

I woke up today with a hunger. Not something abstract like a hunger for life or spiritual contentment. No, I was hungry for bacon. Yes, my love for bacon is well documented, but today it was something else entirely. I began thinking of different things I could wrap with the bacon such as lobster tails, scallops and even more bacon. Then I thought "is it the bacon I'm really missing or is it something else?" Does the bacon represent something else?

Thoughts of metaphors, allusions and"raw truths" ran through my mind and I struggled with varying ideas. Why couldn't it simply be just a love for the pig? Why does the lobster soaking in a sweet/hot Thai butter sauce represent something else then just an awesome tasting piece of crustacean?

I needed clarity, I needed a sanctuary to analyze the secrets of the universe and how me and my love for bacon fit inside it. Unfortunately, the bathroom was occupied and so I ordered a BLT and chewed on my thoughts in delicious quiet contemplation.

Mmmm, bacon. Don't ever leave me!

Some cool health tricks

Ok, no more boring, broken heart stories. 

Here is some cool health tricks for you all.

If you're stuck talking to a mumbler, lean in with your right ear. It's better than your left at following the rapid rhythms of speech. If, however, you are trying to identify the song playing quietly in the background, turn your left ear toward the sound as its better at picking up music tones.

Need to pee? Fantasize about sex. No, its true. Thinking about sex preoccupies your brain, so you won't feel as much discomfort. I think this works better for guys then girls.

If you hate getting needles, try coughing to lessen the pain. Researchers have shown that coughing causes a sudden, temporary rise in pressure in the chest and spinal canal, inhibiting the pain-conducting structure of the spinal cord.

The next time you have a tickle in the throat, try scratching your ear. When the nerves in the ear are stimulated, it creates a reflex in the throat that can cause a muscle spasm which relieves the tickle.

Try some of these things and let me know if it works or not.

The raw truth

Its Friday night and I've decided to once again start writing in my blog. I should be out, having fun and doing whatever it is that single guys do but I don't seem to be too excited about that idea. And why is this, well, I guess I'm still a little bummed by what has happened to me in the past week.

Without going into too much detail just yet, I met a girl, I lost said girl and I don't know why. I don't know why it ended, I don't know why I can't get over her, I don't know why I'm thinking about her all the time and I don't know why I miss her when she doesn't miss me. Ok, that's not fair, I think she misses me, but not in the same way that I miss her.

I have asked myself why we ended and yes, it was only for 2 months and I should just move on and continue on living. But her and I, we really connected. You can't fake what we shared and no matter what people tell me, I'm not quite ready to give up on her and us yet. I can see some eyes rolling right now, yes, I'm looking at you specifically.

She called me the other night, and I was totally not expecting that. I had deleted her phone number, her contact info, photos, saved voice mail messages, anything that would make me want to contact her. I felt that it wasn't fair of me to hang on to her when she obviously didn't want me to do that. So, I was hovering the mouse over the final vestige of communication which was her facebook account. If I clicked "unfriend" we would no longer be friends and I would have no way to speak to her, contact her and effectively, I'd be finally acknowledging that it was over. So, I sent her a message, basically telling her that I missed our conversations, I missed our friendship and that I hoped she was doing well. A part of me wished that she would read it, think about it and send me a response. I never expected her to call me later that night. At around 1am, I got a call and it was her. She said hello and wanted to see how I was doing. So I told her the truth which was I am doing well, I miss her and I miss our friendship. I told her that if she wanted us to remain friends, then we should at least be able to speak. But for the past week, we haven't said a single word to each other. I had sent her a few messages and got no response and so I said that if she doesn't want me to talk to her, to be in her life, that's fine and to just let me know. But I wanted her to know that I wanted our friendship back, and that means I wanted to continue talking to her. I told her that a part wishes that one day, her feelings for me may change and she would consider giving us another chance. I realize that to be a very long shot as even she said that once she makes up her mind, she doesn't change it. She ended the call shortly afterwards, having spoken to me for less then 10 minutes.

I don't know if I'll hear from her, I mean, I hope I do but I don't know when. I'm not going to pause my life and hold my breath and wish blindly that things will work out. I just don't know and maybe this is why I'm not going out or hooking up with random girls. I just don't know what I did to end something that was so amazing with someone who was a really good person. Is it me? Is it her? was it a combination of us both? All I know is that I miss her but I'm not what she wants. And that hurts and that is the truth. The raw truth.

I'm back!!!!

So apparently it's been over 2 years since I've written in this blog and yet I've had 7 viewers. Sweet.

Now, for those of you who don't know this, but I used to write in my blog religiously. however, I drifted away in the past year or so. I think it's time to bring back the proverbial pen and paper and pour out the madness which is my mind and settle some shit.

If your reading this then I hope you see that underneath this handsome, awesome shell is an even handsomer (?) and awesomer (??) guy. Dare I say "hanawesomer"? Yes, I'm hanawesome!

The reason why I started blogging was that it allowed me a chance to pour out my thoughts and ideas in a way that made sense to me. I'm hoping to do that again and your welcome to tag along.

I hope you find this funny, informative, honest and raw.