Tao of Wu - Nov 29, 2015 - I'm back

I should be happy.

I mean, I'm pleased with my current state of being but, at the same time, I'm not pleased.

It's almost December 2015 and I've been living in my new home for almost 2 months now. Oh yeah, so I moved away from Yonge/Finch. I'm now an official Markham-ite (I think that's the proper term.)
It's interesting living up here. In many ways, its not that different then living back in North York. The streets here are rarely empty, always buzzing with activity. Thankfully, I face away from the main street and so am not bothered by the hustle and bustle. There are many different places to eat although most are Asian. Hopefully my next move will put me in a large Italian neighborhood :)

I'm still single, and its getting a little pathetic. I think I'm officially older then Vic or Donny was before they got married. I'm not purposely going for some record, but it seems like this title will be mine and hard to beat. I've gone out on a few dates, the most recent being with another massage therapist. The date went well, we laughed, we smiled and it seemed like she was genuinely interested in me. Oh how was I wrong. A few days after our first date, I asked her out again, and she said that "you are a super nice guy, but we are just way too similar. I like dating, and am attracted to, guys who are different from me." What the hell does that mean? Does that mean she wants someone who is boring, uninteresting? Someone stupid? Eric of the past would have argued my position and fought for a second date. Now, I just said "meh" and deleted her off of my phone. My responses may have been correct (in spirit) but it doesn't make things any easier. Dating sucks.

And there is this girl. A girl who is confused about her relationship status and has ample opportunities to date a wide variety of guys. Rightfully so, she is taking her time and is letting things happen. I've often imagined going out with her, but she has said a few times that she isn't interested in me and that's that. Sometimes I don't want to date her. Other times, I wonder how awesome it would be.

My career is going alright. No, actually it is. For the first time in my career, I'm finally at a clinic where I'm busy on more then 1-2 days a week. The environment is great, my co-workers are great and the clients are great (3 greats in a row, I know, bad writing). But what's making me sad about my career is that I'm making zero money. I get paid monthly, and I'm living hand-to-mouth. Its a horrible and miserable feeling and I would love a chance to get out of this hole. But in order to do that means me leaving massage. Not that I have a lot of people knocking down my door.

So here I am, still a resident of relationship limbo, hanging out with a girl who I'd love to go out with, but knows that it'll never happen, and my career is providing me with spiritual satisfaction but leaving me poor and unable to live and enjoy life.

Happy holidays to me.

Heyyy You Guyyyyys!

I couldn't sleep and so I decided to write down my thoughts about a certain favorite movie of mine.

The Goonies isn't the greatest search-for-treasure adventure movie ever made (that's Raiders of the Lost Ark), nor is it the greatest group-of-friends-has their-final-adventure-together movie (that's Stand by Me), but it might be the greatest we're-misfits-and-we-belong-together movie. It all comes down to Sloth. Him and I share a lot in common; we're both big, ugly and maybe a little slow. But he's also loving, and in need of love, and someone who has seen far too much abuse at the hands of others. So when Sloth bellows his proud greeting and jumps into the fray with his new found friends, it's not just an awesome movie moment, it's a celebration of acceptance for someone who has never before been accepted. Because when you're an outcast crew like the Goonies, you just can't pull the same dirty tricks of shunning and snubbing that other cliques have pulled on you - it would be like stabbing yourself in the heart.

Death by food

Everyday, you should try to live a little bit of your life, like you may not be here tomorrow. I don't want to die tomorrow knowing I could have had a piece of cake tonight. Now, you could argue that this could apply to working out. As I'm writing this, I'm currently at the gym on a friday night. I realized that if I were to kick the bucket tomorrow, I'd be dying sore and tired! And really, who wants that? You should want to die full! When the coroner cuts you open, the whole room should smell like potato wedges or bacon. Because only when we face Death in the eye and with a fork in our mouth can we say we truly have lived. Love, pffft, what's that? Girls come, break your heart and go. Relationships, please! All that is, is just complications in an already busy life. Nope, if your gonna die, I say do it from overeating. Trust me, your stomach will thank me later.

You call him Mr. Chuck Norris!

For those of you who don’t know who he is and why all men pay reverent homage to this legend, let me explain. 

Chuck Norris eats rocks and shits lightning bolts. Did you know that one time Chuck Norris was walking around in a forest, look for hippies to use as firewood, when a wild boar suddenly crossed his path. Chuck lifted the boar into the air with his mind, gave him a spinning roundhouse kick, and digested him telekinetically. And Chuck wasn’t even hungry. True story!

Chuck Norris is a world champion in tae kwon do, jujitsu, kickboxing, karate, sumo wrestling, tae bo, pad thai, Street Fighter II and he holds a certificate of participation in the National Spelling Bee. He has no weakness, he is the ultimate fighting machine. There’s a story that one time ago, a big shot movie producer approached Chuck Norris with a screenplay starring him versus King Kong, Godzilla, Dracula, Satan, Charles Bronson, and that Russian boxer from Rocky IV. The movie was never made though because studios felt that it was too far-fetched since nobody stands a chance against Chuck Norris. Supposedly, the story goes on to say that when Chuck found out, he was so furious that the producer had to offer his daughter’s virginity to appease him. Chuck accepted the offer. Another true story!

Not much is known about Chuck Norris’s childhood. Chuck Norris has no mother, as crawling out a woman is unbecoming of a man of his stature. Chuck spontaneously came into existence on Karl Marx’s birthday. This was no coincidence since Chuck Norris is the polar opposite of communism; he is the yang to communism’s yin, and the very thought of a political theory that suggest that people should have their own means of production in a classless society makes Chuck Norris want to puke.

Chuck Norris has fought in almost every major war, including the Korean War, World War I, the American Civil War, the Peloponnesian War, the Iran-Iraq War, the War of the Worlds, and the War on Drugs.

Chuck’s favorite food is whiskey. Sometimes, when he gets bored of whiskey, he’s been known to eat bread, cheese, some tomato paste and a handful of basil, which may sound like pizza, but it’s not because Chuck Norris doesn’t want to give the Italians any credit.

For more information on Chuck Norris, check out his Wikipedia page. 

Mmmm, beef jerky!

Beef Jerky

If someone invented a way to package sex and put it straight into your mouth, it would taste like beef jerky. 

Did you know that in countries where beef jerky is a staple of their daily cuisine 83% of boys, as young as 6 years old, are experiencing something called “precarious puberty” which leads them to have full-grown beards, deeper voices and calloused hands. And all of this manliness was traced back to a gene triggered by the manliest of foods in the entire universe: beef jerky.

If there’s a food that’s manlier than strips of flesh ripped from an animal’s ribs, cured, smoked, and flavored so it can be slammed down the throats of hungry construction workers, I’d like to know what it is.

Only the highest quality ingredients go into making beef jerky, but I can’t help but wonder: what’s the secret ingredient that gives beef jerky its awesome flavor? The answer is obvious, its little girls. Don’t believe me, the proofs in an old nursery rhyme: “little girls are made out of sugar and spice and all things nice.” Since only the highest quality ingredients go into making beef jerky, and all things that are of the highest-quality are necessarily a subset of “all things nice,” then concordantly, ergo, vis-a-vis, it can be said that beef jerky is made out of little girls. Boom, that’s called empirical reasoning!

Ok, so maybe there is a slightly more important ingredient to beef jerky, which is the beef. But for a cow there is no greater calling, not ending up as a steak at the Keg or upholstery in an overpriced car, then becoming jerky. It’s true, go ask them.

A thought on Hot Sauce

H is for Hot Sauce

All men love spicy food. The statement “I don’t like spicy food” is a more verbose way of saying “I have lady parts.” Not convinced? Let the facts speak for themselves and here is a complete list of people who can’t handle spicy foods:

• Pregnant women
• Breastfeeding mothers
• Menstruating women
• Women on menopause
• Children
• Old People
• Animals (except for fish)

This is a complete list of people who don’t like spicy foods, so if you don’t like spicy food, then you must be one of the above listed.

Pregnant mothers are notorious enemies of hot sauce because they’re discouraged from eating spicy foods to protect their unborn children. Well, I say that they should in fact eat extra spicy food. It’s a great way to strengthen the child. If I had things my way, hot sauce would be the primary ingredient in baby formula.

For fans of spicy food, it’s sometimes difficult to find food with any heat at restaurants. The reason is because people who think they like spicy food go to restaurants, order their food spicy, and then complain when they can’t handle it. This has caused a gradual shift toward less spicy recipes in the restaurant industry.

So I say embrace spicy food. Ask your waiter for hot sauce and don’t be afraid to do the dance of pain as your tongue is on fire and you scream searching for some sweet relief. Sure, it may not get you the girl, but spicy food is the only way to go if you’re a real man!

My thoughts on 2012

As 2012 comes to a close, I find myself spending more and more time reflecting upon the moments that have made this year an interesting, at times painful but enjoyable year.

I have experienced the immense satisfaction that only comes when you are part of something special, and for me, that is being part of the Shag'n Dragons. This year we achieved more success then we ever dreamed off and more importantly, we all became closer teammates and better friends. I truly am blessed to be a part of this team and I pledge, nay I oath it, when I say that I will always be grateful for all of them and I will always fight for them. I'm a Shag'n Dragon, and I will be so till I die.

This year was also the year where the newest Wu joined our clan. Master Avery was born on August 25, and like his sister, I knew right away that he was something very special. He's only a few months old, yet he already possesses a calming nature and his smile disarms all wisps of doubt and concern. Seeing him smile at me rejuvenates my very soul and I find myself wanting to be an even better person in my own life so that I can be an even better uncle to him. Thank you Avery.

It would difficult to speak about this past year without mentioning my job, as it has also taken a twist and turn. I have a new job, a new career along with my career in Massage. I finally have a sense of direction and a sense of potential stability that a new job brings with it. I look forward to what the new year brings me with regards to my new job and I can't wait to surprise everyone with my success. Its time for me to step up and show everyone what I can really do.

Last and certainly not least, love. There have been some low points, some midway points and one high point. While singledom remains my current state, I have reflected upon my love lost and accept all things that have happened to me. A few things that I have come to accept are:
- it hurts to love someone and not be loved in return. But its more painful to love someone and never find the courage to let that person know how you feel.
- its a very sad thing in life when you meet someone who means a lot to you, only to find out in the end that it was never meant to be and you just have to let go.
- its true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but its also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.
- it takes only a minute to get a crush on someone, an hour to like someone and a day to love someone, but it takes a lifetime to forget someone.

I have spent the last few days doing a lot of thinking. Spending the holidays alone definitely allows me the opportunity to do a lot of uninterrupted thinking. We must dream what we want to dream, go where we want to go, be what we want to be. Because we have only one life and one chance to do all the things we want to do. Sometimes its necessary to put oneself in another person's shoes, even if it doesn't fit or makes sense to. Its important because if you feel that it hurts you, then it probably hurts that person too. A careless word may kindle strife, a cruel word may wreck a life. We must take ownership of our words and understand that something said with seemingly good intentions may be misinterpreted not as such and cause more harm then good. A timely word may level stress and a loving word may heal and bless. I've wanted to be happy for so long and I realized that the happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything, they just make the most of everything that comes along their way.

2013 will soon knock on our door and so I shall walk through that door with a renewed focus on the continuing success of the Shag'n Dragons, on the stabilizing of my life financially, physically and spiritually, and to find the happiness that only comes when I have found it within myself.

Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss, ends with a tear. When we were born, we were crying and everyone around were smiling. So I shall live my life so that when I die, I'm the one that will be smiling and everyone will remember me smiling and not crying. Of course, I'd also like to go out naked. :)